Friday, August 25, 2017

Sharing A Memory of My Son

Today would be my son Joe’s 28th birthday.
I remember when he was born, the nurses told me “you deserve this boy”.  This made me smile.  He indeed make me smile.
There is so many happy moments I want to remember of Joe.  One such memory comes to mind.  All my children were really into the beaded art kits, in the summer of 2000.  The kits were much like these:

They all made so many projects with them, this gave them something fun to do during the summer months.  Using the beads in the kit, Joe made a monarch butterfly, much like this one:

 On the morning of my birthday in 2000 I got into my car to go to work and I found the monarch beaded butterfly that Joe had made on the inside windshield of my car with a suction cup.  This melted my heart and I thought it was so sweet and thoughtful of him especially at such a young age to think of such a gesture.
When Joe passed away in April of 2008, while heavy in my grief, a monarch butterfly landed on my shoulder while I was walking with my Mom.  Several days later, the memory of Joe placing that beaded monarch butterfly in my car came to my mind.  I feel in my heart that it was God’s way of telling me Joe is ok.
Still to this day, a monarch butterfly will show up in unexpected places.



Thank you for visiting.  Have a blessed day.




Monday, August 21, 2017

Continued Reflections At Six Months



 Paul purchased a used 2004 Chevrolet Silverado truck in 2016.  He would work on a used vehicle as if it were new.  
One morning I walked into his shop and found him standing inside the truck under the hood working on it-I just had to take a picture of him.  He was gifted with the abilty repair vehicles.  
In February of this year (2017) we had a date night.  We were talking about his truck and for some reason I drew a blank at what make and model his truck was he said "It's a Chevy honey"I cherish that conversation.
Here again, I was in the position to make a decision as to what to do with his truck. This truck was very special to Paul, and yet I knew it was not practical for me to hold on to it.  We posted the truck on Craig's List and within hours we had many requests.  One such request came from a young man that lived in Wisconsin. He drove from Wisconsin and took one look at the truck and said he wanted to purchase it.
The following day he and his wife brought a cashier’s check and drove the truck away.  I cried, and cried for days.  A week after the truck was sold, I received a note from the young man that purchased it. He wrote:
"Patty, Thanks again for the truck.  I am grateful for the opportunity to continue the care and respect this vehicle received.  This truck has been a dream of mine so thank you for making it happen.  Sorry for your family's loss"
At that moment, I realized the right decision was made-this truck is bringing joy to this young man and his wife.
I will continue to write about my reflections in days to come.
Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day.



Saturday, August 19, 2017

Reflections At Six Months

Today August 19, 2017 brings us to 6 months since Paul passed away, my beloved husband, beloved father to my children, beloved brother to his family, beloved son-in law to my parents, beloved brother-in law, beloved uncle and beloved friend to so many.  This past 6 months have brought so many emotions, the most intense emotion has been sadness, and tears.  This post is not to be a plea for sympathy or to appear I’m feeling sorry for myself.  This is just me wanting to express how I have been feeling. 
In this six month time span, many decisions have been made, perhaps some of the decisions could have waited, and yet they were on the forefront of my mind and brought me anxiety.  Since Paul was a mechanic, he had many tools, supplies, and equipment.  All these things were important to him and were a huge part of who he was.  Here lies a decision to be made-what should be done with all of these items? If I hold on to them, they are not being used.  I told my daughters he would have wanted someone to enjoy his things.  With much prayer and consulting with friends and family members, the decision was made to have the items brought to an auction.  Seeing all his items spread out at the auction made me feel numb, like it was not really happening. I reflected on how he put everything he had to good use and everything had a purpose.  Paul had his own methods on how to repair things, and his methods were a blessing to our family.  




 My brother-in-law put everything into prespective after the auction and said "Now his items are bringing joy to others".  I agree with him 100 percent.  
I will continue on my reflections in the days to come. 
Have a blessed day.  



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Finding A Balance

Losing my husband and my son brings me to trying to find a balance between grief and feeling sorry for myself.  I never want to come across as if I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I miss them both beyond words. Yet, the tears still appear, sometimes out of nowhere.
 Perhaps the balance comes when I can reflect on the happy times, and realize how blessed I am to have them in my life.